“There is no happiness in tomorrow if today is a lie and yesterday was a myth!”
Dark Abyss
So many days has passed by that I had opened about anything, whenever I felt like I should write something I just felt some block in my mind stopping me to continue my words journey. I felt so insecure to even have a single thought about anything. Thinking people don’t need my stupid words or my stupid thoughts for anything at all. That pause which I had taken from writing is kinda my fault. I was discouraging myself to that level where I had completely shut down my so-called confidence. I was in ignorant bliss where nothing was right with me and also where the world seemed so wrong, people were not fighting for my attention neither I was for there’s; that what I was trying to make myself believe but that might have been wrong on many levels. I started doing things which I never felt the need for, seeking attention from anywhere that in result had made me fall into many traps for which I am surely gonna regret it, and for some, I am regretting. I tried to think rationally but that word was pushed out of my brain a very long time ago. I thought why the heck not! people nowadays like these things and I was also searching for the same but I didn’t quite like it because I was faking it all from the start. In the search of my fruitful happiness, I ended up with more loneliness. We have a tendency to grab onto something as long as we can for our sanity because we’re humans, we’re dependent creature, we can’t survive alone but I was so adamant to prove this wrong that I was slowly but steadily falling deep into the abysses where there was no air nor peace. I had suffocated myself to that point where there was no coming back, hopelessness, tiredness, loneliness are few of the synonyms which I had tried to not feel but because I had dig that grave myself where I had no other option but to stay there. Or I thought so, some people tried to send a rope down there for my rescue but I knew I was being selfish in catching that rope because I was getting so used to that dark bliss that it was pretty hard for them to even pass through and get me out of there. And I didn’t want them to fall with me and then take another blame on my head which was struggling to stay afloat. So I did a favor on both of us by bluntly ignoring the rescue team.
Pull yourself together they say but they don’t realize it’s not in our hands to do so. Even they are drowning in some shit but they won’t acknowledge that but surely acclaim me of not even trying. Irony is that I tried pushing myself over the boundaries but I have been constantly reminded that’s its not my cup of tea. There’s never a path that someone had kept open for me or I might’ve ignored it but nonetheless, I had pretty much given up by now but the lifeline was still not zero which continued my ignorant bliss where it doesn’t seem to be ending in any near future.
I am living in the past but the present is not with me and the future doesn’t seem to like me. This mess which we call life is getting hard to go by but I tried to not look forward because past is where I have my heart. Don’t you dare lie to yourself, because it just gets easy to do so and the result is not something you gonna like, believe me, because there is no happiness in tomorrow if today is a lie and yesterday was a myth! As much as we crave the attention, its anecdote to our mundane life, we are condensing for the better something. We fool ourselves to the better conjunction to the life that we bluntly have ignored the reality. Search for better, not best but why can’t I settle for good. This stupid comparison of what is we need and what we desire has led many to their own downfall of greed. I am one of them. The answer from this is simple, choose nothing. This dark bliss or dark pit where everyone is falling like the sinner falling in the depth of the seventh hell is where you will find the most population nowadays. There’s the pretty accurate comparison of a sinner in the hell to the sinner of dark bliss. Both have done deeds for going down there, either had been pushed down there by someone or the stupid monopoly played by the society gets them there. I should not start blaming my failure on society because they’re already doing so on me. Evil has one face but an angel has many that’s what you observe from that one piece of mind where rationality still lies.
Now it’s my choice to be a fancy ignorant of abysses or be the manipulative slave of society.
Conventionally I should have chosen the later but my inner Satan needs its abyss otherwise that Satan will turn herself to an angel that you don’t need in the present world. They’re many angels around with multifaceted of theirs you don’t need to add another.
Twenties Unscripted 